All You Wanna Do Is Jaw-Jaw

(in which we apply our face, at speed, to the brick wall of Enterprise IT Development Methodologies)

I am, for my sins, embroiled in a Project with our IT people. I assume that some Holy Standards Manual1 somewhere must decree that in order to transition from stage 0.7.4.1.a to stage 0.7.4.1.b2 there is a requirement to develop and publish a “Communication Plan”, such a document having also assaulted my inbox this week. That’s an eight-slide Powerpoint presentation, adorned with pithy quotes and charmingly apposite images. More Powerpointedness than I’ve personally produced in my life, for content that could adequately be summarised in a four-sentence email. Three, if you worked at it. Something like this:

  1. There will be a weekly meetings: on Thursdays at 1400 to review status and issues. (There are a couple more, but they don’t have general applicability so let’s not bother everybody with those).
  2. Everybody should talk to each other as often as necesary to ensure that lack of information does not hold up progress (I’m paraphrasing wildly here, attempting to extract some sense from two ludicrously complicated diagrams)
  3. Documents will be stored on the Sharepoint server that everybody already uses.
  4. Communication will be in English except where everyone involved speaks German and no non-German speaker will need to read/listen.

There. I did it in four without even trying that hard. Took about five minutes. No pictures though. Sorry about that.


1 With no apparent irony, a document received this week declares that the Project is “following a strict Waterfall approach.”
2 The stages may be more fine-grained than that – I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

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